Be Curious, Not Judgmental

I recently heard this line in the series Ted Lasso, and it caught my attention:

“Be curious, not judgmental.”

It sounds simple. Almost obvious.
But in reality, it is very hard to practice.

Judging is easy. It’s the quickest way to arrive at a conclusion. Often, those judgments are just our perceptions — conclusions we’ve extrapolated from our own experiences.

We’ve all heard that it’s not good to judge others.
The harder truth is — we all do it. To others, yes. But more importantly, to ourselves.

No One Taught Us How

When we were younger, we were told not to be judgmental.
But none of us were taught how not to judge.

For a long time, I was aware that I was being judgmental in certain situations. And every time it happened, I would tell myself, “This is wrong.”

It helped a little.
But it didn’t solve the problem.

Because stopping judgment isn’t about suppressing it.
It’s about replacing it.

Curiosity Begins with a Why

Being curious is what sets judgment aside.

It starts with a simple why.

Always assume there is a reason for someone to behave the way they do. When someone thinks differently or behaves in a way we don’t understand, we immediately fill the unknowns with labels.

“She’s a showoff.”
“He’s a pushover.”

We complete the story without having all the pages. Curiosity interrupts that instinct. Instead of labeling, it asks:

“Why is she buying such expensive products?”
“Why does he seem to accept every option without protest?”

Reframing the question expands our scope of thought. It forces us to consider context. It stretches our thinking beyond our own conditioning.

Curiosity Shapes Character

Curiosity is an identity — one that not many consciously practice.

It builds empathy.
It builds understanding.
It builds trust.
It builds agency.

The more we practice being curious, the more we learn — not just about others, but about ourselves.

We often shield ourselves inside the bubble of our judgments.

“I can’t learn a new skill at this age.”
“I don’t possess that quality.”

But what if we got curious about those thoughts?

“Why do I believe I can’t learn?”
“Where did this story about myself begin?”

Curiosity gives us the chance to be more agentic. It allows us to take steps to address our limitations instead of drowning in self-pity or clinging to a rigid identity.

The Strength of Curiosity

Judgment feels assertive. Strong. Decisive.

Curiosity feels softer.

But curiosity builds a different kind of strength — one rooted in grace, acceptance, and a flexible worldview.

It doesn’t hide behind pre-conditioned experiences.
It doesn’t shut doors too quickly.

It makes space for context. For nuance. For imperfect humans trying their best. And in practicing curiosity, I’ve slowly found myself becoming kinder — not just to others, but to myself.